What now? 

In a relationship, you tend to imagine things and build expectations about things that are most likely not going to happen.

You love someone with every single bone in your body, you care, you sacrifice, you put in so much effort in pleasing your soulmate, you worry about them as if they are your child, you plan for your future together because you you know you love them.
You became an addict and they became the drug that you are so heavily addicted to.

But what happens when they leave you? 

What happens when they break your heart?

What happens when they abandon you?

You suffer, the withdrawal symptoms start to show on you, numbness in your left arm, heartache and voices talking nonstop in your brain, it makes you spend sleepless nights and dark days..you feel the sun but you can’t see it, you hear the laughter coming out of you and you know how fake it sounds.

If only we had rehabs to fix us, the wounded and broken hearted..but we don’t.

So, what now? How do we get up from bed ? 

How do we face others?

How to stop remembering the memories and the moments that are stuck in an endless loop?

When the songs you love turn into songs you hate because it reminds you of a moment you were with them, you remember what they were wearing and where were they when that song played.

When a certain outfit reminds you of that day you went around town with them having fun wishing that this certain day lasts forever.

How to forget the small details about them?

The birthmarks, the shape of their lips, their eye color, how they smelled good and soft to touch, the sound of their heart beat and how it soothed you to sleep and silenced your over-thinking brain.

How can you act strong and careless when people ask you about them or when you hear news about them instead of crumbling and crying like a little kid? 

Last Valentine you were with me, promising me you will never leave..but I don’t see you anymore and what hurts is that I still feel you, everywhere I look I see you..I remember you..I lay in bed with my eyes closed hoping and wishing that when I wake up I will find you right there sleep talking and kicking me with your leg like you used to do and all of this was just a bad dream.

I usually run outside when it rains because I believe that rain washes all the negativity and sadness off of me but the rain never washes you away..you’re like a stain on my favorite white t-shirt that won’t go away..Will I ever be clean? Will I ever heal and let go?

What now? 


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