There is an old saying that the definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over but expecting a different result. The only way to get a new result is to find a different way of doing things. Here are a few suggestions…
• Simplify your life by reducing the emotional challenges you create and face in your relationships. If you really want to change things between the two of you, work at finding a way to reduce your resentments. Bottom line is you want your partner to have your back.
• Whether your day will be a good one or not is a choice we make before getting out of bed. So, first thing in the morning, make the decision to have a good day. If things start to go south, remember that tomorrow is another opportunity.
• If you feel that your family is dysfunctional, first understand that all families have their own personal set of dysfunctions. Yours are just different. All the studies show that sitting down to a family dinner is a great way to make everyone in the household more cooperative. Sharing a meal regularly will increase the likelihood of your kids doing well in school and greatly reduce the likelihood of their using drugs or falling in with the wrong crowd.
• Find a self-improvement path. This can be taking a class, doing individual work with someone you respect, reading books, or even joining a self-help group. Various programs abound. If you Google support groups in your area, I am sure you will find many. Truth is that it’s hard to make significant changes all by yourself, and if you can get some emotional support from those on a similar path, you will be able to redirect your life and feel some happiness.
• Make the internal decision that you want things to be different, hold the picture of what that difference is in your mind’s eye, and see it in your head a few times a day. The practice of visualization has been around for decades, and it is used to help professional athletes enhance their performance and to help cancer patients survive their disease. If it can benefit them, it can do the same for you.
• If you find yourself dwelling on all your problems, try offering your assistance to someone else who needs it. I know it seems counterintuitive, but by doing something for somebody else, your mind will relax, open up, and allow you to gain clarity about your own issues. It will also make you feel better about yourself.
If you are unhappy with the way things are going, take it as a sign that you need to follow another path or fix the one you are on. I am not suggesting that you leave your relationship or quit your job, but clearly you can alter the way you do things. It all starts with you making the decision to try.